9 months ago · lizzie · 0 comments
Do You Ever Wonder If Your Partner Really Appreciates You?
One of the things that often occurs in long term relationships is complacency. You get so used to your partner, you do the things you HAVE to do to keep each other happy and you assume your partner should just know how you feel. Affection drops, you look around and it feels like every other couple is ‘loved up’, holding hands and happy. Just look at the recent Royal Wedding! This lack of appreciation is a common thread in many relationship counselling sessions.
Of course life gets busier as the years pass in your relationship. When you add children to the family unit, life gets even busier, as a lot more your of your energy needs to be directed towards raising a family. With or without children, life becomes more complex and financial responsibilities increase. As a result, couples often forget what it means to really show their partner they are still in love. They love each other, but often forget the important aspects of intimacy and expressing love. If the love is still expressed, it is often only reserved for special occasions, such as Valentines Day, Birthdays and Holidays.
How Do You Show Your Partner You Care – & Vice Versa?
Do you ever stop to asses how you and your partner like to give and receive love? Consider the 5 love languages described by Gary Chapman:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
If your preference is for Quality Time, but your partner’s preference is for Receiving Gifts, miscommunication of love can easily occur. One is not better than the other, but they are very different.
What often occurs in relationships is each person is expecting to receive love in the same manner in which he/she prefers to be shown love. Everyone has elements of each of the 5 love languages, but one is almost always more prominent. If your prominent preference is lacking in your relationship, you can feel very hurt, unloved and resentful. Confusions strikes when one person is showing love through their preferred love language, but it is falling on deaf ears. This is something I see often in my marriage counselling practice with couples.
So what can you do to bring love back so that both people feel loved and satisfied?
Firstly you need to understand how each of you prefers to receive love. Then, it’s time to talk about it honestly. Sometimes you need an impartial therapist to guide the conversation during relationship counselling and not deviate towards hurtful conversation. Then it’s also important to understand how you prefer to communicate. This is achieved through the Myers Briggs. It’s a wonderful tool for helping couples to understand their respective personality types and the best ways to communicate to really hear each other. For instance, the Myers-Briggs helps each person within couples discover:
- if they prefer details or bigger picture themes in a conversation
- whether they make decisions based on facts rather than feelings
- if they need to be alone or around other people to reenergise before engaging in ‘partner time’ after work
and so on…
These issues are so important to help to understand each other and in turn avoid each person taking conversation or behaviour the wrong way. Miscommunication often happens as a result of each person within the relationship operating within the confines of their own Myers Briggs personality type. Thus not really understanding how their partner prefers to communicate.
We can’t be complacent in relationships. We need to regularly check in with each other and be mindful of each person’s needs. In doing so, each person feels really heard and truly loved.
Is Relationship Counselling Right For You?
If you are struggling within your current relationship, it’s important to speak to an expert. A Relationship Counsellor can really help to get your relationship back on track and to also tap into the real issues behind relationship conflict. Relationship Counselling takes place in a supportive and trusting environment. It’s a place to work through issues that you are your partner are struggling to resolve alone. Relationship Counselling is not about casting blame on to one person within the partnership. Therapists take an empathetic and objective view of your personal circumstances, so that they can assist both parties to achieve happiness and peace.
Author, Therapist & Motivational Speaker
Categories: Happy Living Tips and Support