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2 months ago · · 0 comments

How To Cope With Challenges in the Workplace

how to cope with work stressHow much do you value your work and how much validation do you seek from your job? One of the biggest traps you can fall into in your professional career is placing too much of your self worth on your performance and treatment within your office.

It was not that long ago that primarily men went to work – just to pay the bills in order to enjoy their ‘real’ life outside of the office. Over time, the demands of modern life have driven both men and women into very stressful and demanding roles which mentally can be very difficult to leave at work once retired for the day. Modern technology also allows work to encroach on your personal life – if need be (or you set a precedent to allow it to enter into your personal life).

As a result of the extended hours and pressures placed on you as a professional, it’s highly likely that you will draw a great deal of your self worth, confidence and drive from the validation you receive from work. However, herein lies the major problem. Everyone at work is feeling the same pressures and thus you have to just hope you have a good manager who has the time and energy to give you praise and recognition for a job well done.

It is for this reason that the best option is to separate yourself emotionally from work. It is also important to see it for its inherent value – as an exchange of goods, services and ideas (hopefully) for the betterment of society. Whilst it is a basic human need to feel self-actual used through the pursuit of excellence, in order to maintain a high self-esteem it is much more beneficial for you to seek your validation internally first and then from the people you love and trust most.

Yes it is important to feel valued and respected at work, however widen your net. By all means validation from your colleagues and from people you respect, however do not judge your self worth against these potential validations. The sad fact about many modern day offices is that it is often not until an individual leaves that senior executives really learn how valuable they were to their organization. Thus, a paucity of praise is more likely to reflect an office culture than it is to be an indication of your intelligence or ability.

Put work into perspective and regularly internally praise yourself for all the jobs you do brilliantly on a daily basis. After all, that little internal critic can at times be the harshest of all.

To find more professional inspiration or support visit: http://www.helpformums.com/therapies/life-coaching/

2 months ago · · 0 comments

Why We All Need Parental Love – Regardless of Our Age

parental loveRegardless of how old you are, every individual desires (and benefits immensely from) having consistent support and unconditional love from parents. Whilst the role of a good parent is to guide, support and nurture each child into being a confident, strong, independent and motivated adult, one never loses the desire to be nurtured and to feel as though there is a bond and guide there when needed.

Over the years I have heard parents say they believe their children are too old for hugs, or that once a child reaches a certain age they no longer need parental support. However, this could not be further from the truth. Affection is a basic human and animal need. This need was shown experimentally in the 1960s via the Harlow psychological studies into the effects of love and deprivation on development. In these (often cruel) experiments, Harlow found that when young rhesus monkeys were provided with a choice of a ‘dummy’ mother made of wire (who provided food) and a ‘dummy’ warm/cuddly mother who provided warmth (& thus emulated the feelings of being with their real mother), they chose the warm mother more often. Hence these studies showed the monkeys would choose feelings of love and affection over the basic need – to eat.

Studies like these altered the way many babies were treated in hospitals. They also helped to shape new adoption policies (e.g. trying to pair parents with babies as young as possible to enhance this bond) and the deinstitutionalisation of orphans and the mentally impaired. Nowadays babies are held by mothers immediately after birth and rarely taken into the nursery, unless necessary. Thus, these basic human needs are well recognised (but sometimes forgotten) today.

As a parent of a child, or an animal, you can see the influence affection and consistent love has on those you care for. If you neglect an animal, for instance, it will most likely cause emotional harm to the animal. I can remember in high school a friend’s brother kept his dog in a large cage at the back of their house, while he trained it to become a ferocious guard dog. Apparently, the dog was nice to the brother. However, strangers were never allowed near the dog, for fear it would attack. Thus, keeping this animal caged significantly impaired the dogs natural instincts; to be loving, affectionate, playful and in particular to feel safe in the presence of strangers.

Whilst as an adult it is important to be your own person and live an independent life, it is always nice to know there are others you can rely on when you need it most. These people do not have to be your parents. They can be close friends, a partner, a mentor, or other family members. The key to this special relationship is feeling secure. A close friend that thinks of your needs, is supportive, loving and affectionate, can provide the same needs of the supportive, loving and affectionate parent. These relationships are very important and deserve your time and dedication to ensure they remain healthy and ongoing throughout your lifetime.

The message here is that if you are a parent, don’t assume your role is no longer as important once your children ‘grow up’. It is just as important, only different. The desire for unconditional and consistent love, support and affection is innate and should not be provided based on age. If you are a carer of an animal, make sure you take time to treat it with regular, unconditional love and affection – not just when you’re in the mood. Animals are sensitive and intelligent creatures and will also give you the same love and affection in return. Regardless of whether, or not you have children or animals in your life, take the time to be affectionate, loving and supporting to those you care about most and ask for this in return when you feel it is lacking.

Finally, think about who you are asking this of and assess whether or not they are capable of providing you with your basic needs. If not, you may need to re-think where you are placing your energy and desires. If a parent, friend or partner is unable to provide you with these basic needs, it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them, but rather that you need to put your energy into seeking it from those most willing and capable to provide it to you consistently.

Never forget that everyone needs and deserves affection, love and support – especially YOU!

2 months ago · · 0 comments

How To Reduce Procrastination and Achieve Your Goals

It’spractical exercise self esteem course very easy to set a new goal. In fact, every year, at midnight on New Year’s Eve millions of people around the world decide on New Year’s resolutions that they have every intention of keeping, but alas rarely adhered to, or even attempt, by the end of January.

One would assume that if you set a resolution, it’s because you’re fed up with certain aspects of your life and you have decided that it’s time to make a change. However, in many cases, at the time of making the resolution, certain essential ingredients are likely to have been missed, such as:

  1. Writing a clear, precise and easy to follow plan
  2. Developing a monitoring chart to check that you are maintaining your plan
  3. Committing to your new goal
  4. Understanding deeply why the goal is important to you
  5. Increasing your internal belief that you can achieve your goal
  6. Committing to the sacrifices you will have to make in order to sustain this goal

I experienced the sixth item above when I was 17 years of age. A friend and I were walking down a very busy shopping strip when we were stopped by Animal Liberation activists and asked to join their organisation. My friend was already a vegetarian, but being South American, I was brought up eating meat – and lots of it. However, despite my upbringing I have always been a passionate lover of animals and so I was easily convinced to join this organisation. After singing up, we walked across the road into Hungry Jacks where I proceeded to order my usual delicious hamburger. BUT… of course, my sensible friend reminded me that I could no longer eat meat after deciding to join this organisation. So, disappointed, I left the store hungry.

At that stage of my life, I had not really understood the relationship between the animals I loved and the animals I ate. So, I have to admit I was a reluctant vegetarian. So, needless to say, it wasn’t too long afterwards that I slowly began to eat meat once more. However, I couldn’t get shake that feeling that it didn’t seem right for someone like me who loves all animals, such as cows, sheep, pigs and chicken, to sit down to a meal and eat them. This feeling stayed with me for many years until one day I decided I couldn’t do it any more. At this point, I researched protein sources, ensured I had the right recipes, understood wholeheartedly what I would need to give up and trusted in my ability to commit to this lifestyle. I still eat some seafood (this one will take another effort and commitment to give up), but I now realise I had to be in the right frame of mind before I could achieve my goal – permanently.

As you can see, deciding on a new goal is just the tip of the iceberg. If it’s not a deep burning issue and desire for you, it is highly likely you will not sustain the motivation to continue on your path to achieve your goal. Exercise and dieting are prime examples. Most people know they should be getting fitter, but until they deeply believe it’s imperative to do so, this goal will unfortunately not be realised.

We are all creatures of habit and our bodies and minds like to be comfortable. So, every time you attempt to shake things up and ‘rock the boat’, you are likely to feel uncomfortable and revert back to old (often bad) habits.

In order to form new habits and achieve your goals, you need commitment and consistency. This way you slowly become accustomed to change and eventually the new habits become those you are now comfortable with and couldn’t dream of changing.

So, the next time you decide on something you would like to change, really take time to think about how you are going to achieve it; assess whether or not you have reached the stage where you are happy to make the sacrificing along to way, and then focus on why it’s important to you. Once you have addressed all these issues, it’s time to use past experience to show you that when you set your mind to something you can achieve it.

Just think about anything you decided you wanted (be it good or bad for you). Think about the natural process you took to get you there. You may have decided to buy a new house or car, ask your partner out on a date, get into shape, or apply for a new job. Every new challenge would have been thought through carefully. So, give all your goals the same courtesy and if you find you’re unhappy, make the commitment to live the life you dream, not the one you exist in.

Visit Happy Life today to find out more about personalised one-on-one counselling and life coaching: http://www.helpformums.com

2 months ago · · 0 comments

Stop Fear Holidng Your Back From Your Success

how to reduce fearFear can become the biggest evil on earth.

Yet how easily it is ingrained in our minds from a very early age.

From the moment of conception a mother begins to fear. She fears for the safety of her child. She fears she will not be a perfect mother, she fears her child may be hurt by others and so on… The energy of fear is being transferred to her child from this very early stage of life and continues to be ingrained in her child throughout life, in an effort to protect her child from harm. Yet, this very intention breads further fear in her child and often attracts the very negative fears that were her intention to be avoided through the constant reminder of how scary the world really is.

Whilst one can say that children need to be made aware of things and people that can hurt them, there are two ways to achieve the same outcome. The first is through fear and the second is through reasoning without fear. Our natural instinct as parents is to use fear. We assume if we scare our kids enough they won’t engage in dangerous behaviours such as running across the toad without looking, swallowing dangerous objects and falling over and hurting their bodies. However, the imbedding of such fears subsequently leads to an internal belief that the world is a scary and dangerous place (the news also enhances thus belief by showing a very skewed perspective of the world as though only horrible things are happening every day).

On the flip side, if you choose to use calm reasoning with your children to help them understand that there is a reward for safe behaviours rather than always a punishment for unsafe behaviours, they will learn to use reasoned judgement and to live their lives in a way that values the ‘self’. They will in turn not learn to fear any new experience and will also learn to not to fear things that appear to be different to them.

So many of life’s tragedy’s have been caused by fear of difference, yet at the core, we are all human beings. When we look at others we need to see the soul, not the exterior. This is where the true person lies.

If you are a parent, start to pay attention to how you may be installing fear in your child/ten. It is extremely easy to do, but it’s never too late to begin to adjust how you explain potentially dangerous behaviours.

Breeding fear can also lead to retaliation, as children start to think you must be exaggerating. They test the boundaries even more because these fearful behaviours are potentially naughty and would be so exciting to engage in and get away with. So, the intention to keep your child safe can end up causing the reverse to happen.

As an adult, also be mindful of the way you were taught to fear things in your environment, such as crossing roads, the boogie man, sun burn, falling down, getting on a plane, wearing a seat belt, talking in church, laughing in class etc… The explanations behind these things will dictate how much you fear your current life and how you allow fear to hold you back from enjoying and succeeding in every aspect of your life.

Yes, be safe and keep your kids safe but be careful in the manner used to explain the reasons behind engaging in safe behaviours.

If fear is holding you back in life or causing your pain contact Happy Life at http://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

2 months ago · · 0 comments

How To Stop Worrying About What Colleagues Think of You At Work

life-coach-professionals-student

life coaching for professionals and student

How much time do you spend at work worrying about what your superiors might think of you?

Many employees spend countless hours per day worrying about whether or not the boss will like them and even whether or not they will be fired. This fear is partly driven by an ever changing economy and regular news of company closures and downsizing. However, the major driver of this fear is internal insecurity as a result of personalising work.

One of the most common human fears is failure and at work failure can be grounds for dismissal. Whilst this fear can be valid, it is a fear that is usually irrational as most people are working at a high standard – consistent with their high work ethic. The nature of working for someone else leaves one exposed to external circumstances, so it’s important to recognise that all you can do is try your best at work and ensure you treat it like a business, rather than your friend.

People often become very upset about changes in the workplace and in particular negative personalities that make it very difficult to perform ones job well on a daily basis. This is again due to the personalisation and ownership placed on ones career in the first place. In other words, making the mistake of taking work personally and forgetting that it’s a business.

Company downsizing and cutting staff is a perfect example of where Senior Management have to draw the line between work and emotions. The people in charge of firing large quantities of staff must separate the work from emotion in order to think strategically about which staff should be let go. Whilst being friends with your boss may protect you for a while, when it comes to major decisions like these, companies look at productivity and cost savings. So, once again all you can do from a professional standpoint is think regularly about how your contribution at work impacts on the business and don’t allow yourself to be dragged down by negative personalities in the workplace.

As the employee you must think of work as a business and your performance as part of this business. Your personal life is completely separate. The friendships you develop at work have nothing to do with your work (except with respect to forming networks to assist with daily tasks and potential future jobs). They mainly make your day to day life more pleasant and really form part of your personal life – not your professional life.

So, enjoy your relationships at work and start each day with a mindset of success, achievement and contribution to the greater good of your company’s needs. After all, negative people eventually move on and all the work you do will hold you in great stead for new and exciting professional positions in the future.

2 months ago · · 0 comments

How to Reduce Negative External Influences on Your Self esteem

It’s very interesting to start to delve deeper into the mind. This pondering begs to question how two people can experience the exact same event and yet have completely different views on what transpired.

When you think about the way we conceptualise reality, this phenomenon seems quite impossible. After all, isn’t what we see reality?

In reality, what we observe and how we interpret our observations, make up our reality. Your perceptions will be directly related to your current emotional state and your history. A person who is generally feeling happy will view a potentially negative event in a much more optimistic light, than a person who is feeling depressed. Yet the event remains in Essence the same.

If you can accept this concept to be true, you can accept a concept one step further and believe that the way you think about your environment directly mirrors your perception of reality. Thus, what you think about – you truly create!

Our whole existence is based on believing our real world outside of us makes us feel particular ways. People often think “The job makes me uphappy, the money problems make me unhappy, the partner makes me unhappy” and so on…

However, in reality it is our perception of these events that cause us to be unhappy, rather than the events themselves. By choosing to alter your perceptions, you not only find liberation in the face of adversity, but you find a path to creating new and more pleasant realities.

We go back to meditation because it is a powerful way of controlling your thoughts and opens up the window to create your desires future. If you can’t find time to meditate right now, at the very least take opportunities where possible to focus on feelings of happiness. Travelling to work is a perfect time to engage in positive thinking. Wearing dark sunglasses on a train enables you to close your eyes in a crowded environment without any embarrassment.

During these times of meditation think about how you can start to create the positive energy in you that you want to project externally. You don’t need to worry about the outcome. If the laws of quantum physics are correct – like energy attracts. So your greatest job in life is to ensure your mindset and emotional state match the same mindset you believe you will have only once you receive your desired outcome. Feeling before seeing!! TRUST is the key ingredient.

It’s a shift in your way of thinking, but it’s so worthwhile to really begin to enjoy each day in your life journey.

It you want to change your life today visit Happy Life at: finding-inner-voicehttp://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

2 months ago · · 0 comments

Stop Negative Thinking Making You a Prisoner in Your Own Mind

One of the most common patterns of thinking involves focussing (and regularly discussing) how bad you feel because you don’t yet have what you desire. Classic thoughts of lack include:

  • * My home is too small or too old
  • * I am getting too old to have children
  • *I don’t have enough money
  • *I hate my body
  • *I am tired all the time
    work-stress-reduction

    Low self confidence at work resulting in stress

  • *I don’t have any great friends
  • *I will never have a great intimate relationship

It’s human nature to ponder on these beliefs and to discuss them with your friends and relatives. However, if the majority of your thoughts are in this headspace, you are likely to lose track of reality as these thoughts begin to infiltrate your very existence. You can become consumed by them, to the point where you rarely allow you to have fun and relax. Instead you find yourself complaining about the same issues over and over again in the hope that either you, or someone else will find the perfect solution for you. Yet this rarely occurs.

Speaking regularly about things you currently are unable to change leaves you feeling trapped and a complete hostage to your negative thoughts and beliefs. Yes, we all need to vent our frustrations from time to time. However, when you are complaining without finding potential solutions to your problems and then actively taking decisive action to change your life for the positive – you are simply living within the confines of an imprisoned mind.

It’s important to regularly check in with yourself and take note of the conversations you have with those closest to you. For instance, you may regularly be complaining about the job you hate, the boss who is a bully, the friend who lets you down, the baby you really desire and the partner you long for. If this is the case, assess the outcome of these conversations. Have you had any breakthroughs and changed your life as a result of these conversations? Your answer to this question will be quite telling. If you are having these conversations regularly it is most likely that you’re either making little or no progress, are in a situation that can’t be altered right now, or you simply are not ready to step out of your comfort zone to change. Be aware of where you sit in terms of wanting change.

Life will always throw dilemmas our way. However, it is part of our growth to learn from these issues and to take action to positively impact your life and those you care for.

To find more support and inspiration  to build your self esteem visit: http://www.helpformums.com

 

2 months ago · · 0 comments

How to Help Someone Who is Feeling Depressed

how to reduce stressIt is very hard for those who have never suffered a depressive episode to truly understand how debilitating this state of mind can make the sufferer feel. From the outset it can seem as though the sufferers life is so perfect. You may even think ‘how can this person possibly be depressed with how successful, attractive, social and caring he/she is?’

However, depressive thinking is not rational. In this state it is easy to disqualify any positives and to focus on the issues that are creating the depressive episodes. No matter how much others highlight the positives, the depressed person will find it difficult to disengage from the negatives.

The main core feelings underlying depression:

  • Hopelessness
  • Helplessness
  • Worthless

Therefore, these are the areas that require focus when you are trying to support someone who is feeling depressed.

Hopelessness

To assist with feelings of hopelessness, the individual needs to feel as though there is a manner in which he/she can take control. For instance, if a friend was feeling depressed about being single and having difficulty finding and sustaining a partner, the best support you could give would be to help her to regain self confidence and accompany her to places she is most likely to meet someone she is compatible with (such as joining a sporting club together, going out dancing together, hosting a dinner party with a potential single partner invited, or attending a social function together).

Giving your friend a feeling of control will help her/him to take steps to shift out of depression and regain hope in the future.

Helplessness

To assist feelings of helplessness the individual needs to feel as though she/he has sufficient resources and support networks available to get through the issues at hand. As a friend you can personally be there to provide support. However, in times of depression it is really critical to advise a depressed friend to seek professional help from a qualified therapist or life coach.

Where therapists differs from a friend is in their perspective (enabling unemotional support) and in the techniques used to move past depression into happiness and health. Your support as a friend will of course remain very important in times of depression, so one should not substitute the other.

Worthlessness

In order to assist an individual to increase worthless feelings, it’s important to increase internal validation. Reminding the person of past and current success is a good start. What is especially required is current evidence of being valued. Encouraging the person to help others and thus to see first hand appreciation for this assistance is a great way to see evidence of self worth.

The key here is tapping into the issues causing the depression. So if a person feels unattractive, taking her out for a beauty treatment or supporting her to get back into shape will help. If a person is feeling unloved, showing him those that love and support him will help. If a person is feeling like a failure, engaging her in activities you know she will do well in will also help.

In addition to these supportive techniques above, it is very important to encourage healthy eating and increasing physical activity. Thee two behaviours have a huge impact on moods. Being a good friend could be as simple as supporting your friends to get healthy.

Always remember that there is tremendous power in friendship support. Your ability to help a person in need is one of the most valuable and rewarding aspects of being a human being.

To seek help with depression visit The Happy Life website at: http://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

2 months ago · · 0 comments

Are You Tired of Being the Doormat in Your Relationships?

It’s interesting to note that one of the by-products of being a nice person and wanting relationships to work – is accepting less than you are worth just to either keep the peace, or to try to avoid the possibility of someone leaving you.

Women are the most likely candidates for this behaviour. Many women get drawn into the media hype surrounding age and babies and end up believing they have to meet someone before it’s too late. Others interpret failed relationships as a reflection of being unworthy or unloveable. In both instances, when such women meet a potential partner, they put up with much more than they normally would, out of fear the relationship might end.

All relationships need compromise, however this type of compromise refers to behaviours such as accepting friends and family you may not get along with, accepting hobbies and passions you may not find interesting and giving up things you love during times when a partner needs support. These compromises are very different to compromising on being treated with respect (eg accepting your partner regularly ignoring you, or not considering your feelings and needs) or compromising on trust (eg accepting your partner having an emotional affair, or accepting your partners hot & cold feelings towards you based on daily moods).

At the heart of every relationship there must be a strong foundation. Therefore, at the beginning of any new relationship you must be clear about your values and speak up when behaviours make you feel uncomfortable.

I can recall being 16 years of age dating my first real boyfriend who turned out to be a very bad mistake on my behalf – we live and learn. Every time he would come to pick me up from home in his car, he would just beep the horn outside and expect me to run outside. One day, I thought to myself that I was not comfortable with this disrespectful behaviour. So, I waited and waited. Instead of walking up to the door, he drove off. When he arrived home he called me and was furious when I told him I wasn’t going to be treated like that any more. Well, he soon learnt and began to knock on the door to greet me and never again honked the horn outside. Whilst this relationship didn’t work out, I gained huge respect for myself and I learnt how to stand up for myself without fear of consequence.

In all relationships, we must inform others of how we want to be treated. For instance, telling a friend you are not comfortable with her cancelling plans at the last minute regularly, or telling a child you don’t appreciate being spoken to in an aggressive/sharp tone. These boundaries should not be compromised. When you allow yourself to cross that line you never feel good about it, regardless of how well you try to convince yourself there is an excuse or reason behind certain behaviours.

The key ingredient necessary here is self respect. When you respect and value yourself, you feel confident enough to trust that you will always have people who love you in your life. Thus, if others will only be with you if you devalue yourself, you cancouples counselling with happy life walk away with confidence.

We all want to be loved and cared for, but at what cost? By all means give of yourself to care for others, but never compromise on respect and trust. You deserve more.

For more inspiration and support visit: http://www.helpformums.com

2 months ago · · 0 comments

How To Improve Your Self Esteem With a Simple Step

boost self confidenceIt is very interesting to note the impact that an alteration in your language can have on how you feel about yourself and on your life overall. Altering your internal language to say you want to improve your life rather than change your life is a very good example of this.

When you say you want to change your life, the underlying message (implication) is that overall your life is terrible and hence needs a complete change. However, this is not true. Every person can finds things in life to be happy about and proud of, such as:

– saving money for a holiday
– finishing a degree/course
– supporting a friend or loved one
– buying a home
– buying a car
– getting into shape
– creating close friendships
– helping a client at work
– delivering a speech
– taking a risk that paid off

… And so on…

The pursuit of goals and desires

Often you can find yourself unhappy with your current situation because your goals and desires are not manifesting quickly enough – or at all (eg wanting a career change, a partner, a baby, more money, close friends). This perceived failure can cause you to tell yourself regularly that your life is unsuccessful and therefore you ‘must’ find a way to change your life in order to find happiness. Believing this can leave you feeling overwhelmed and hopeless.

Telling yourself you must change also implies you can’t stand things the way they are now, yet you are already ‘standing’ things right now. It might not be pleasant but you are stronger than you most likely give yourself credit.

Changing your language

If you alter your language simply by saying ‘i want to improve my life’, the implication will be that there are many things to be happy about right now, but you want more (eg you already have some great friends, you have money to survive, you have a loving partner.. And so on).

This new way of speaking serves to empower you and motivate you to achieve your desires. In other words, you start to believe you can and will enhance your life and that your life to-date is pretty good, despite not yet achieving your current desires.

You have a right to want more. In fact, the pursuit of desires is what makes life so exciting. See your goals as a way of enhancing your life and be appreciative and mindful of what you achieved so far.

To find more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: http://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

Positive Parenting Blog

Positive Parenting Blog