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6 months ago · · 6 comments

Why We All Need Parental Love – Regardless of Our Age

parental loveRegardless of how old you are, every individual desires (and benefits immensely from) having consistent support and unconditional love from parents. Whilst the role of a good parent is to guide, support and nurture each child into being a confident, strong, independent and motivated adult, one never loses the desire to be nurtured and to feel as though there is a bond and guide there when needed.

Over the years I have heard parents say they believe their children are too old for hugs, or that once a child reaches a certain age they no longer need parental support. However, this could not be further from the truth. Affection is a basic human and animal need. This need was shown experimentally in the 1960s via the Harlow psychological studies into the effects of love and deprivation on development. In these (often cruel) experiments, Harlow found that when young rhesus monkeys were provided with a choice of a ‘dummy’ mother made of wire (who provided food) and a ‘dummy’ warm/cuddly mother who provided warmth (& thus emulated the feelings of being with their real mother), they chose the warm mother more often. Hence these studies showed the monkeys would choose feelings of love and affection over the basic need – to eat.

Studies like these altered the way many babies were treated in hospitals. They also helped to shape new adoption policies (e.g. trying to pair parents with babies as young as possible to enhance this bond) and the deinstitutionalisation of orphans and the mentally impaired. Nowadays babies are held by mothers immediately after birth and rarely taken into the nursery, unless necessary. Thus, these basic human needs are well recognised (but sometimes forgotten) today.

As a parent of a child, or an animal, you can see the influence affection and consistent love has on those you care for. If you neglect an animal, for instance, it will most likely cause emotional harm to the animal. I can remember in high school a friend’s brother kept his dog in a large cage at the back of their house, while he trained it to become a ferocious guard dog. Apparently, the dog was nice to the brother. However, strangers were never allowed near the dog, for fear it would attack. Thus, keeping this animal caged significantly impaired the dogs natural instincts; to be loving, affectionate, playful and in particular to feel safe in the presence of strangers.

Whilst as an adult it is important to be your own person and live an independent life, it is always nice to know there are others you can rely on when you need it most. These people do not have to be your parents. They can be close friends, a partner, a mentor, or other family members. The key to this special relationship is feeling secure. A close friend that thinks of your needs, is supportive, loving and affectionate, can provide the same needs of the supportive, loving and affectionate parent. These relationships are very important and deserve your time and dedication to ensure they remain healthy and ongoing throughout your lifetime.

The message here is that if you are a parent, don’t assume your role is no longer as important once your children ‘grow up’. It is just as important, only different. The desire for unconditional and consistent love, support and affection is innate and should not be provided based on age. If you are a carer of an animal, make sure you take time to treat it with regular, unconditional love and affection – not just when you’re in the mood. Animals are sensitive and intelligent creatures and will also give you the same love and affection in return. Regardless of whether, or not you have children or animals in your life, take the time to be affectionate, loving and supporting to those you care about most and ask for this in return when you feel it is lacking.

Finally, think about who you are asking this of and assess whether or not they are capable of providing you with your basic needs. If not, you may need to re-think where you are placing your energy and desires. If a parent, friend or partner is unable to provide you with these basic needs, it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them, but rather that you need to put your energy into seeking it from those most willing and capable to provide it to you consistently.

Never forget that everyone needs and deserves affection, love and support – especially YOU!

6 months ago · · 0 comments

How to Reduce Negative External Influences on Your Self esteem

It’s very interesting to start to delve deeper into the mind. This pondering begs to question how two people can experience the exact same event and yet have completely different views on what transpired.

When you think about the way we conceptualise reality, this phenomenon seems quite impossible. After all, isn’t what we see reality?

In reality, what we observe and how we interpret our observations, make up our reality. Your perceptions will be directly related to your current emotional state and your history. A person who is generally feeling happy will view a potentially negative event in a much more optimistic light, than a person who is feeling depressed. Yet the event remains in Essence the same.

If you can accept this concept to be true, you can accept a concept one step further and believe that the way you think about your environment directly mirrors your perception of reality. Thus, what you think about – you truly create!

Our whole existence is based on believing our real world outside of us makes us feel particular ways. People often think “The job makes me uphappy, the money problems make me unhappy, the partner makes me unhappy” and so on…

However, in reality it is our perception of these events that cause us to be unhappy, rather than the events themselves. By choosing to alter your perceptions, you not only find liberation in the face of adversity, but you find a path to creating new and more pleasant realities.

We go back to meditation because it is a powerful way of controlling your thoughts and opens up the window to create your desires future. If you can’t find time to meditate right now, at the very least take opportunities where possible to focus on feelings of happiness. Travelling to work is a perfect time to engage in positive thinking. Wearing dark sunglasses on a train enables you to close your eyes in a crowded environment without any embarrassment.

During these times of meditation think about how you can start to create the positive energy in you that you want to project externally. You don’t need to worry about the outcome. If the laws of quantum physics are correct – like energy attracts. So your greatest job in life is to ensure your mindset and emotional state match the same mindset you believe you will have only once you receive your desired outcome. Feeling before seeing!! TRUST is the key ingredient.

It’s a shift in your way of thinking, but it’s so worthwhile to really begin to enjoy each day in your life journey.

It you want to change your life today visit Happy Life at: finding-inner-voicehttp://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

6 months ago · · 2 comments

How To Improve Your Self Esteem With a Simple Step

boost self confidenceIt is very interesting to note the impact that an alteration in your language can have on how you feel about yourself and on your life overall. Altering your internal language to say you want to improve your life rather than change your life is a very good example of this.

When you say you want to change your life, the underlying message (implication) is that overall your life is terrible and hence needs a complete change. However, this is not true. Every person can finds things in life to be happy about and proud of, such as:

– saving money for a holiday
– finishing a degree/course
– supporting a friend or loved one
– buying a home
– buying a car
– getting into shape
– creating close friendships
– helping a client at work
– delivering a speech
– taking a risk that paid off

… And so on…

The pursuit of goals and desires

Often you can find yourself unhappy with your current situation because your goals and desires are not manifesting quickly enough – or at all (eg wanting a career change, a partner, a baby, more money, close friends). This perceived failure can cause you to tell yourself regularly that your life is unsuccessful and therefore you ‘must’ find a way to change your life in order to find happiness. Believing this can leave you feeling overwhelmed and hopeless.

Telling yourself you must change also implies you can’t stand things the way they are now, yet you are already ‘standing’ things right now. It might not be pleasant but you are stronger than you most likely give yourself credit.

Changing your language

If you alter your language simply by saying ‘i want to improve my life’, the implication will be that there are many things to be happy about right now, but you want more (eg you already have some great friends, you have money to survive, you have a loving partner.. And so on).

This new way of speaking serves to empower you and motivate you to achieve your desires. In other words, you start to believe you can and will enhance your life and that your life to-date is pretty good, despite not yet achieving your current desires.

You have a right to want more. In fact, the pursuit of desires is what makes life so exciting. See your goals as a way of enhancing your life and be appreciative and mindful of what you achieved so far.

To find more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: http://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

11 months ago · · 0 comments

How to Boost Self Confidence and Self Worth

self-confident-woman

You don’t have to have self confidence in every aspect of your life to be successful or happy

However, you DO need to have self belief in the areas you strive to succeed in. This is why you can be very successful in your career but feel lost in your relationships. Self belief is situation specific. If you are regularly self sabotaging yourself or feel like a failure in a particular area of your life, take a close look at your level of self belief in this area. For instance if you haven’t succeeded in your career – do you doubt your abilities? Do you allow internal or external circumstances to impact on your self confidence? If you have not succeeded in your desire to attract a long term partner – do you doubt your level of attractiveness? Do you believe you really deserve to be treated with love and respect? Do you think you have enough to offer a partner? Do you fear rejection?

These questions must be answered and dealt with in order to increase your self belief and to drive you to continue to work towards achieving your desired goals. If you have established a desired goal, there MUST be a strong part of you that believes you deserve it and can actually achieve it, otherwise you wouldn’t even try. However, often life circumstances negative thoughts, doubts and insecurities get in the way of these beliefs and curtail your efforts to succeed.

You must leverage on the inherent belief that you can and will achieve your desires! You must trust that your mind is smart enough to know not to create a desire that it believes is not achievable. Thus, it’s important to recognise that you know deep down that your goals are achievable for you. In order to trust your inner beliefs you must learn to ignore and challenge the negative beliefs and expectations of others and yourself. Those who care for you will not want you to struggle and hence may encourage you to push away your dreams. Those who are jealous of you may try to diminish your confidence. You internally may compare yourself to others who have already achieved success and be influenced by self doubt.

The key is to regularly remind yourself that your goals are achievable for you. With persistent effort and determination you will achieve your dreams at the perfect time for you. It’s important to trust this. So… The process of your journey is to map out your plan for success, regularly remind yourself of why you will achieve your goals and then focus in the moment on each step as you get closer and closer to your desires.

If your dreams are truly conceivable for you, they are achievable!

For support and assistance, visit Happy Life at: www.helpformums.com  or follow us on Twitter @lohalloran72

Positive Parenting Blog

Positive Parenting Blog