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We see clients over the phone, via Skype and in person at our Armdale office.

Contact us by either phone or email and we will do our best to find an appointment time for you that suits you best.

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2 weeks ago · · 0 comments

What to do when you lose your self confidence as a new mum?

Boosting Self Confidence As A New Mum

When you become a new mum, your self confidence and self esteem can quickly take a dive, particularly when things don’t go quite as well as planned. One of the major issues new mums face is shifting from being in control of your child during pregnancy to feeling completely lost as your child begins to develop and grow into this new life. When things such as breastfeeding and regular sleep do not go well, new mums often begin to question their parenting methods and begin to assume they must be doing something wrong. Add to this the opinions of friends, other mothers, family members and health  professionals, its no wonder so many new mums begin to feel like failures.

So what can you do if you begin to feel like a failure, or begin to self criticise yourself ?

Reduce the pressure you are placing on yourself.

One of the first big mistakes new mums make is to stop listening to their instincts and to begin listening instead to everyone else’s advice and opinion on how best to parent their new baby. As a new mum, it’s very easy to begin to doubt yourself when things you try (like breastfeeding or placing a baby in a swaddle to sleep) simply do not work, particularly when you have been told by experts that these are the best ways to feed or get your baby to sleep. What no-one seems to tell new mums (or perhaps as new mums it’s hard to believe), there is no 1 manual of parenting that works for every child. Each baby is different and also has a mind of his/her own. Some babies will easily soothe, for instance, whilst other will not. Some babies will sleep for 2-3 hour stretches at a time, whilst others will only power nap for 30 minutes at a time. If you begin to place too much pressure on yourself to be perfect, you will quickly begin to start feeling overwhelmed and self criticism will begin to seep into your mindset and quickly reduce your self confidence. So, the key is to have a parenting plan and then to just go with the flow. Sometimes your parenting style will work wonders, but other times it won’t (for instance if your baby is feeling overtired or unwell). These are the times to take a brake and just try something new when you are feeling more calm and rational.

Trust that you know your baby best

As a primary carer, no-one knows your baby better than you. Other experts and parents can provide you with support and advice as to what they have observed or perhaps trialled successfully with their children, but ultimately, you know your child best. You will know if your child will respond well to new environments, people and parenting styles. you will be able to assess whether sleeping methods such as controlled crying are right for your child and your family. Trust that you have your child’s best interests at heart and always look at things from the perspective of ensuring your child is safe, healthy, happy and secure (eg living in a harmonious environment).

Catch yourself in moments of negative self-talk

If you begin you hear yourself speaking negatively about your parenting style, try to catch yourself in the moment and refrase your words. For instance, if you catch yourself saying things like “I’m never going to get my baby to sleep”, alter this to “Every baby eventually sleeps, we just need to keep adjusting things until we get things working well for our family”. Reducing negative self talk will go a long way towards boosting your confidence and ensuring you maintain a healthy self esteem throughout motherhood.

3 months ago · · 0 comments

How To Cope With Challenges in the Workplace

how to cope with work stressHow much do you value your work and how much validation do you seek from your job? One of the biggest traps you can fall into in your professional career is placing too much of your self worth on your performance and treatment within your office.

It was not that long ago that primarily men went to work – just to pay the bills in order to enjoy their ‘real’ life outside of the office. Over time, the demands of modern life have driven both men and women into very stressful and demanding roles which mentally can be very difficult to leave at work once retired for the day. Modern technology also allows work to encroach on your personal life – if need be (or you set a precedent to allow it to enter into your personal life).

As a result of the extended hours and pressures placed on you as a professional, it’s highly likely that you will draw a great deal of your self worth, confidence and drive from the validation you receive from work. However, herein lies the major problem. Everyone at work is feeling the same pressures and thus you have to just hope you have a good manager who has the time and energy to give you praise and recognition for a job well done.

It is for this reason that the best option is to separate yourself emotionally from work. It is also important to see it for its inherent value – as an exchange of goods, services and ideas (hopefully) for the betterment of society. Whilst it is a basic human need to feel self-actual used through the pursuit of excellence, in order to maintain a high self-esteem it is much more beneficial for you to seek your validation internally first and then from the people you love and trust most.

Yes it is important to feel valued and respected at work, however widen your net. By all means validation from your colleagues and from people you respect, however do not judge your self worth against these potential validations. The sad fact about many modern day offices is that it is often not until an individual leaves that senior executives really learn how valuable they were to their organization. Thus, a paucity of praise is more likely to reflect an office culture than it is to be an indication of your intelligence or ability.

Put work into perspective and regularly internally praise yourself for all the jobs you do brilliantly on a daily basis. After all, that little internal critic can at times be the harshest of all.

To find more professional inspiration or support visit: http://www.helpformums.com/therapies/life-coaching/

3 months ago · · 0 comments

How to Reduce Negative External Influences on Your Self esteem

It’s very interesting to start to delve deeper into the mind. This pondering begs to question how two people can experience the exact same event and yet have completely different views on what transpired.

When you think about the way we conceptualise reality, this phenomenon seems quite impossible. After all, isn’t what we see reality?

In reality, what we observe and how we interpret our observations, make up our reality. Your perceptions will be directly related to your current emotional state and your history. A person who is generally feeling happy will view a potentially negative event in a much more optimistic light, than a person who is feeling depressed. Yet the event remains in Essence the same.

If you can accept this concept to be true, you can accept a concept one step further and believe that the way you think about your environment directly mirrors your perception of reality. Thus, what you think about – you truly create!

Our whole existence is based on believing our real world outside of us makes us feel particular ways. People often think “The job makes me uphappy, the money problems make me unhappy, the partner makes me unhappy” and so on…

However, in reality it is our perception of these events that cause us to be unhappy, rather than the events themselves. By choosing to alter your perceptions, you not only find liberation in the face of adversity, but you find a path to creating new and more pleasant realities.

We go back to meditation because it is a powerful way of controlling your thoughts and opens up the window to create your desires future. If you can’t find time to meditate right now, at the very least take opportunities where possible to focus on feelings of happiness. Travelling to work is a perfect time to engage in positive thinking. Wearing dark sunglasses on a train enables you to close your eyes in a crowded environment without any embarrassment.

During these times of meditation think about how you can start to create the positive energy in you that you want to project externally. You don’t need to worry about the outcome. If the laws of quantum physics are correct – like energy attracts. So your greatest job in life is to ensure your mindset and emotional state match the same mindset you believe you will have only once you receive your desired outcome. Feeling before seeing!! TRUST is the key ingredient.

It’s a shift in your way of thinking, but it’s so worthwhile to really begin to enjoy each day in your life journey.

It you want to change your life today visit Happy Life at: finding-inner-voicehttp://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

3 months ago · · 2 comments

How To Improve Your Self Esteem With a Simple Step

boost self confidenceIt is very interesting to note the impact that an alteration in your language can have on how you feel about yourself and on your life overall. Altering your internal language to say you want to improve your life rather than change your life is a very good example of this.

When you say you want to change your life, the underlying message (implication) is that overall your life is terrible and hence needs a complete change. However, this is not true. Every person can finds things in life to be happy about and proud of, such as:

– saving money for a holiday
– finishing a degree/course
– supporting a friend or loved one
– buying a home
– buying a car
– getting into shape
– creating close friendships
– helping a client at work
– delivering a speech
– taking a risk that paid off

… And so on…

The pursuit of goals and desires

Often you can find yourself unhappy with your current situation because your goals and desires are not manifesting quickly enough – or at all (eg wanting a career change, a partner, a baby, more money, close friends). This perceived failure can cause you to tell yourself regularly that your life is unsuccessful and therefore you ‘must’ find a way to change your life in order to find happiness. Believing this can leave you feeling overwhelmed and hopeless.

Telling yourself you must change also implies you can’t stand things the way they are now, yet you are already ‘standing’ things right now. It might not be pleasant but you are stronger than you most likely give yourself credit.

Changing your language

If you alter your language simply by saying ‘i want to improve my life’, the implication will be that there are many things to be happy about right now, but you want more (eg you already have some great friends, you have money to survive, you have a loving partner.. And so on).

This new way of speaking serves to empower you and motivate you to achieve your desires. In other words, you start to believe you can and will enhance your life and that your life to-date is pretty good, despite not yet achieving your current desires.

You have a right to want more. In fact, the pursuit of desires is what makes life so exciting. See your goals as a way of enhancing your life and be appreciative and mindful of what you achieved so far.

To find more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: http://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

8 months ago · · 0 comments

Improving Self esteem tips: How to know it’s time for a break

life-coach-professionals-student

life coaching for professionals and student

Why it’s important to take a break for your self confidence and self esteem

I am a very driven person. It’s something I learnt from my mother who has an amazing ability to decide she wants something and then go for it. My internal drive pushes me through when I feel like I have nothing left to give. However, the down side is it can be difficult to know when to stop, when to take a break, or when to shift focus.

Over the years I have learnt various ways to identify there is a need to stop and also now ensure I schedule a week off once a year to rest and recuperate.

One of the things that happens as a result of burn out is poor decision making. The consequence of pore decision making is usually negative feedback. When you think of self esteem and self confidence a great deal is based on your perceptions on yourself and these are based on internal and external validation.

When you feeling burnt out you begin to increase self criticism, have a tendency to judge yourself too harshly and can assume you are being judged negatively by others also. As a result your internal validation is very low and you perceive your external validation to be low also. Both of these things are a recipe for poor Self esteem.

So how do you know it’s time to take a break?

One of the most obvious signs is when you feel like you are pushing against the flow rather than travelling along the flow. In other words things feel like a real struggle. This often happens when you’re feeling burnt out in business. Your ideas don’t flow as easily, you feel like you’re pushing people to buy your products and you’re no longer truly enjoying the process.

When you feel you are working too hard and not enjoying the flow or seeing any real progress, it’s time to take a break. It’s not time to quit. This is not the time to give up, but rather to give yourself headspace to come up with more innovative ideas to grown and succeed in your endeavours.

So protect and manage your self esteem and self confidence regularly and take a break whenever you start to feel the signs of potential burn out.

For assistance to improve your self esteem and gain self confidence visit www.helpformums.com

8 months ago · · 0 comments

How to improve self esteem through goal setting

Goal Setting and Happiness

goal setting to build self esteemIt’s an interesting aspect of human existence that people would often rather remain in an unhappy environment, than strive towards true happiness. Maybe this has something to do with our inherent mentality of “I’ll be happy when…” – feeling defeated by the pain of the here and now.

Do you focus regularly on your past achievements?

If you think back in time to all the desires you longed for and finally achieved, how many of these do you re-focus on and remind yourself of how great you feel as a result of these achievements? Our brains seem to be wired to focus on thoughts such as “yeh I know I have that, but I don’t want this present feeling and therefore until I get what I really want, I won’t REALLY be happy”.

The sneaky truth is that there is never an end of the road because we will always be seeking new adventures, relationships, material pleasures. There is nothing wrong with pushing goals, however our assumption that only through achievement can we  ultimately gain happiness is flawed.

As human beings we are meant to seek greater heights. We just need to accept this is a fantastic aspect of life, rather than a constant burden. We need to trust that we can map out the journey towards our goals and desires, but the road is likely to take many turns and when we reach our desired outcome we will question “what’s next”???

Therefore the answer lies in being excited about your desires and trusting in your abilities to stand the test of time and pursue your dreams – riding the waves along the way!

Believe in yourself

If you are in a situation or circumstance that is causing extreme unhappiness this focus is even more important. The most important thing to do is begin to build your self esteem and self confidence in your abilities to achieve your desires. You need to trust in your abilities to get you there and focus on the excitement of small achievements along the way. Each achievement should be recognised and rewarded. For instance, having the discipline to sit down and study, completing a highly commended project, getting to gym 3 times this week, or eating healthy foods today.

When you begin to relish in each achievement you gain closer perspective on how to enjoy the road ahead and appreciate each moment.

Life is to be lived, not wasted waiting until happiness falls upon you. It’s your life. Live it & love it.

For more information on how to gain self esteem and build self confidence to achieve your goals visit Happy Life at: www.helpformums.com or follow us on Instagram at: @perfect_mums

Positive Parenting Blog

Positive Parenting Blog