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9 months ago · · 0 comments

Improving self esteem unlocks the key to happiness

Why Improving self esteem is vital to your health and happiness

career mother returning to work and improving self esteemWhen you do not feel happy about yourself at your very core, life is so much harder. Low self esteem has a profound impact on all aspects of your life. Feelings of insecurity, self doubt and lack of self confidence are all intrinsically linked to low self esteem. Yet, improving self esteem is often at the bottom of people’s to-do list. People spend copious amounts of money on external things in a hope this will boost their happiness levels; like going on shopping sprees, going on expensive holidays, having regular day spa treatments, cosmetic surgery and going into millions of dollars in debt to purchase a bigger home. Whilst these things are lovely and will give you an instant buzz, they do not lead to long term happiness or self-confidence.

If your self esteem is low, the good feeling you achieved from these external purchases will only last temporarily. If you are regularly making these purchases (& they are not causing you further financial stress), the feeling you gain from these experiences will be long lasting and treasured. For instance, when you save for a holiday and really enjoy the experience, that positive feeling stays with you for life. On the flip side, if you took that holiday as an escape from your current life, you would return to the same problems and your ‘holiday buzz’ would soon dissipate.

In order for these feel-good moments to last, you must first work on improving self esteem, so that these experiences enhance your life, rather than you relying on external events, people and circumstances to boost your self worth.

Improving Self esteem In Relationships

We often measure ourselves by how people are treating us. We often feel happy when our family, work colleagues partner or friends are nice to us and can feel devastated when we are treated poorly. To have a healthy and strong self esteem it’s necessary to have strong resilience. This means that when things happen you are entitled to have a reaction to them (e.g. to feel upset). However, it’s important to deal with the issue at hand and not take the next step and assume you are a bad person as a result of someone else’s behaviour or their beliefs.

When you can accept criticism as separate to you, your self esteem is kept intact. You can also deal much more productively with issues that arise in relationships over time. Instead of crumbling every time someone points out a criticism, you can look at the criticism objectively, separate if from how much you value YOU as a person and deal with the criticism is isolation.

The next time someone upsets you, put it in perspective. Separate yourself from the other person and deal with what just happened – as soon as possible – so you don’t internalise it and assume you must have done something to create their behaviour.

Improving Self esteem Through Exercise

There is a strong connection between being active and feeling good. Just try to go to the gym and do a workout and NOT feel good afterwards. Unless you overtrain or give yourself an injury it’s pretty hard not to feel great from exercise. One of the reasons you may not be exercising is that you don’t remember that good feeling, or you feel too tired now to get up and take part in the exercise.

However, how would you feel if you knew that being physically fit and healthy actually leads to improvements in all areas of your life. This is especially true for your energy levels? Think about how much more confident you feel when you’re healthy. What about the fact that you are less snappy at other people because you’re in a better mood? What about the fact that you have a lot more tolerance, can think clearer and have more energy to do all the things you’ve been putting off?

improving self esteemSo, the first step is pushing yourself to just get started. In the Refresh Your Life program we just start with 10 minutes of walking – that’s it. WHY? Because 10 minutes is achievable for most people. Also, once you see how easy it was to do 10 minutes, you can slowly increase the time exercising to gain even more mental and physical health benefits.

Making a start is all you need to start boosting your energy and positively impact your self esteem too.

 

 

Improving Self esteem and Rebuilding The Past

It can be very difficult to let go of past pain when you’ve suffered rejection. This is a big one for many people, particularly when it is associated with a bad break up or rejection from within ones own family.

It’s never easy to deal with this rejection. Sometime we just have to learn to accept that everyone lives in their own world of experience. Being rejected does NOT mean there is something wrong with you. In fact, it says volumes about the person rejecting you. In children rejection often comes from feeling hurt or rejected in the first place. Children lash out with rejection to avoid being hurt again. Being rejected also does not mean you’re not worthy of that person’s love. It simply means that the other person does not have the capacity to be strong enough to maintain the close relationship or at least verbally explain why he/she is no longer able to be close to you.

Learning how to deal with rejection is a key aspect of re-building self esteem.

Reducing Feelings of insecurity is vital for improving self esteem

Insecurity is often associated with low self esteem. When you feel unsure about yourself you can spend a lot of time double guessing your thoughts , behaviours and feelings. It’s common in this mindset to irrationally question things like whether:
  • you said the right thing to someone, because they haven’t called you back today
  • indirectly you upset someone, because they look tired/bored
  • or not somelike likes/diskiles you, because they forgot to thank you

Many of your self doubts can be based on interpretations of behaviour, rather than on actual facts. For instance, many women spend a long time asking their partners “are you OK?”. This often happens because their partner doesn’t feel like talking, isn’t smiling at that moment in time, or is just too tired to pay as much attention as usual.

It’s really easy to assume someone is upset with you when you read into facial and body expressions. This is particularly evident when you’re feeling insecure about yourself. The easiest way to get around this is to ASK questions. Seek reassurance in a kind tone – without it seeming like an interrogation. For example, there is a difference between saying:

  • “You seem a bit quiet tonight, are you tired” and
  • “What’s wrong with you, am I boring you?”

Ask questions to open communication and keep those insecure emotions in check and take the time to rebuild your self esteem to reduce feelings of insecurity too.

Improving your self esteem is vital to your health and happiness. Make yourself a priority and do this first. Then everything else in life will be SO much easier. Start by downloading our free ebook on the ‘5 Everyday Ways to Add Serious Self-confidence to Your Life

Lizzie O’Halloran, Founder of Help For Mums

11 months ago · · 0 comments

How To Reduce Self Doubt

Overcoming fear

When you’re not confident, you can find yourself agreeing to things you never dreamt you would, or to avoid and pass up opportunities that you previously believed would be a dream come true.

life-coach-professionals-student

Self doubt reflects an inner belief that you are not worthy or good enough at something. On a conscious level you are likely to believe you are worthy, however, self doubt is more subconscious – coming to the surface when you are under stress. For instance, due to social comparison many mothers doubt their skills as a mother whenever they (or their children) are not acting as perfectly as they believe they should be. As a parent, you do your best to provide love, support, understanding, security and fun. However, the stressors of life often get in the way of making this possible. As a result, every time you have to do something that takes you away from your picture of how the perfect mother should behave, you are likely to beat yourself up over it and further feed the self doubt.

Trust yourself

In order to reduce self doubt you need to change your internal beliefs. This means ingraining in your mind that you are good enough, you are trying your best and you deserve good things in your life. These beliefs need some effort to ingrain because you are often fighting against years of self doubt and strongly held negative self beliefs. Whilst these beliefs tend to hold you back, they do so in order to protect you from getting hurt. Thus, a life coach who uses techniques such as NLP or hypnotherapy can really help to clear out these old beliefs (on a subconscious level) and instil more positive – useful beliefs in their place.

Gaining self belief

Almost everyone experiences self doubt in one area of their life from time to time. It’s the product of upbringing and ongoing reinforcement. Therefore, it’s a learned behavioural response, which can be re-trained. Having a high self belief is the cornerstone of life success, so reducing self doubt is critical to overall happiness in life. It is an issue that many people struggle with and can cause a great deal of frustration.
Often you’ll find yourself working so hard to achieve a desired goal, only to self sabotage your success. When self doubt kicks in you’ll convince yourself you’re not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, rich enough, or even lucky enough – whenever you’re faced with a roadblock. You will also tend to interpret roadblocks as a reflection of your poor self worth, rather than life’s inevitable challenges you must face in order to grow as a human being.

Each new day gives you an opportunity to start again and build on your self worth. Every step you take towards self worth, reduces your self doubt and brings you closer to happiness and success.

Lizzie O’Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac

Founder of Help For Mums