Schedule a Free 15 minute phone consultation

The best way to find out it our coaching is right for you is to book in a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Send us an email to book in your free phone consultation today:

info@helpformums.com

2 months ago · · 1 comment

The 3 Key Steps to Feel Good About Yourself

How to feel good about yourself?

feel good about yourselfIn the past few weeks I have spoken to lots of people who have told me they are currently feeling really flat. They feel disheartened and defeated by life and don’t feel good about themselves as a result. This is coming from people who are usually very positive and upbeat. So it got me thinking…. “what’s going on?”

Modern life can be a struggle at times, particularly if you are suffering (or have ever suffered) from low self esteem. The news does not help either, as every day seems to be filled with more negative things happening. However, a lot of the current level of low self worth and depression is centred around what is happening in personal relationships. The increase in mental health issues, has also placed a strain on relationships and the breakdown of healthy communication.

We live in a world of Mass Social Media where we are bombarded by opinions and new research daily, so people are quick to judge others and blame others for things they disagree with. This places further pressure on relationships as you develop beliefs about what relationships ‘should’ be like, how people ‘should’ behave and how people ‘should’ look.

In addition to these expectations, comes the expectation of time. Work, family, friends and you personally all demand parts of your time. When you do not meet these external expectations, you are often met with more pressure and disharmony. So what’s the answer? The answer really lies in being confident in the decisions you make about yourself and your immediate family (e.g. your partner and child/ren) and boosting your self esteem to be able to cope with the opinions, beliefs and expectations of others that conflict with your own.

The 3 key steps to feel good about yourself

  1. Find your purpose in life and love it
  2. Cultivate healthier relationships
  3. Absorb the true positives others see in you

What makes you feel good about yourself?

There is the obvious answer to this – how you view yourself in the eyes of others (what you think others think of you). But deeper than this is how you live by the rules you set out for yourself.

The way you feel about yourself is a direct measure of the expectations you believe you should live up to and the value you believe you give to this world. This is why negative external comments by others can be so painful. They directly attack the need we have as human beings to feel valuable in this world. If you have every experienced or known someone who has experienced bullying, you will be able to acutely identify with this.

Step 1: Find your purpose in life and love it – to feel good about yourself

You spend so much time at work.  Wherever you go, people will ask you “what do you do?” So a lot of your self value is based around work.

Happiness is directly related to having a purpose.

Therefore, having a clear purpose is one of the keys to feeling good about yourself. Make sure you have a purpose and make sure it is something you are proud of. If you don’t like your job, find something within your work or personal life to give you purpose until you can move on to another job.

At work you may find purpose in helping others, providing a good service to your clients or customers or knowing you are a part of an industry who’s goal it is to serve the wider community.

Step 2: Cultivate healthier relationships – to how to feel good about yourself

As noted above, personal relationships are the major key to feeling good about yourself. Unfortunately most people persist with very negative relationships in their lives. These negative relationships infect the self esteem and over time, often lead to anxiety and depression.

It is imperative to find ways to protect yourself in negative relationships. Make sure you are not being taken for granted. If you are allowing others to treat you with disrespect, it’s important to first build your self esteem. Then you will have the strength to stand up for yourself. Being assertive does not mean yelling at others or getting into confrontations with others. It means assessing situations and saying “no” or offering alternative solutions when it’s appropriate.

Watch my free video on The Secrets To Successful Communication in Your Relationships to find out how you can improve your relationships today.

Step 3: Absorb the true positives others see in you – to feel good about yourself?

Whilst there will always be challenges in life, there are always others in your life who treat you well. It is really important to get life into balance and note when you are treated well. It’s a little thing, but even when you go into a store and you are treated kindly and with respect, take note of how nice these people were.

When you receive a complement from someone, don’t just dismiss it.  Absorb it. Think about what the person said about YOU and how much he/she values you. These are the world to remember, not the minor negative comments you may hear from time to time. Fill your mind with the TRUTH about what others truly see in you.

The key steps to remember to feel good about yourself

  1. Find your purpose in life and love it
  2. Cultivate healthier relationships
  3. Absorb the true positives others see in you

If you focus on building these 3 elements in your life you will begin to really feel good about yourself and create healthier personal and professional relationships in your life aswell.

lizzie o'halloran - feel good about yourself

lizzie o'halloran - feel good abuot yourself

 

 

Founder of Help For Mums & Happy Life

Author of Perfect Mums & Refresh Your Life

9 months ago · · 0 comments

How To Build Self Esteem Through Your Relationships

How To Build Self Esteem Through Your Relationships

There is a lot written about how low self-esteem can impact on your relationships (e.g. through insecurity, jealousy and mistrust). However, what is often forgotten is the impact that having poor or high quality friends can have on your level of self-esteem.

Studies looking at adolescence (a very important time for friendship development and subsequent identity development) show clear impacts of the quality of friends on girl’s self-esteem (particularly the friendships they have with boys). A study looking at the relationship between friendship quality and self-esteem in adolescent boys and girls found:

“… that girls’ self-esteem was significantly lower than boys’ self-esteem and that girls rated their relationships as stronger, more interpersonally rewarding, and more stressful than boys did….As expected, girls’ self-esteem was positively correlated with the friendship quality of their cross-gender best friend.”1

mums making friendsResearch shows us that when we are happy within our friendships, the way we feel about ourselves (our self worth) is much higher and we are much less likely to suffer from low self-esteem

But why does having good relationships impact on our self worth so significantly?

Our self-esteem and self-worth are a combination of our internal messages (what we say to ourselves) and our internal beliefs, as well as the messages we absorb about ourselves from the outside world. The messages we tend to take on board and believe the most, often come from those we love, admire and respect the most.

Our relationships with friends, family members and partners have the greatest impact on us and can be our greatest asset, or our greatest enemy to  self-esteem.  In intimate relationships, it’s also very easy to take each other for granted, particularly if you have been together for a long time. If your relationship is not regularly tended to, complacency can quickly set in, leading to regularly snapping at each other and talking in a negative manner towards the person who arguably should be treated like a true best friend.

People often assume others should just know how they feel about them and so don’t take the time to tell others how they feel, or what they mean to them. In addition, tiredness, irritability and exhaustion, which we all experience from time to time, can lead to a less than kind communication style within partnerships and families and things can then be taken the wrong way (e.g. a partner’s snappiness, or tiredness could be misconstrued as not caring, simply due to lack of clear, calm and respectful communication). Further, during arguments people often say things they don’t really mean, but these negative comments stay with those receiving them. Last, but not least, in friendships, those that are not assertive can be taken advantage of and neglected, simply because they will be the least likely to complain later on.

As a parent it is important to be aware of our child’s self esteem and the impact that friends can have on a child’s self worth, particularly when they begin to become interested in dating. Throughout life, intimate partners play a significant role on our self esteem and self confidence. This is why, the best thing you can do in a relationship is to make sure you are close friends (best friends is preferable) and that you never compromise on trust and respect in the partnership. By following these 3 guidelines you will maintain a healthy relationship and both people in the relationship will also maintain a healthy self esteem too.

The take home message

  • Be mindful of your communication style with significant people in your life.
  • Don’t be afraid to be assertive and speak up when you feel you are not being treated kingly or with respect.
  • Look after your health because this plays a significant role in how you feel and then how you communicate as a result of your internal emotions.

Lizzie O’Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac

Personal Development Coach & Author

Reference

1 Thomas, J.J. & Daubman, K.A. Sex Roles (2001) 45: 53. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1013060317766

1 year ago · · 0 comments

How to Reduce Negative External Influences on Your Self esteem

It’s very interesting to start to delve deeper into the mind. This pondering begs to question how two people can experience the exact same event and yet have completely different views on what transpired.

When you think about the way we conceptualise reality, this phenomenon seems quite impossible. After all, isn’t what we see reality?

In reality, what we observe and how we interpret our observations, make up our reality. Your perceptions will be directly related to your current emotional state and your history. A person who is generally feeling happy will view a potentially negative event in a much more optimistic light, than a person who is feeling depressed. Yet the event remains in Essence the same.

If you can accept this concept to be true, you can accept a concept one step further and believe that the way you think about your environment directly mirrors your perception of reality. Thus, what you think about – you truly create!

Our whole existence is based on believing our real world outside of us makes us feel particular ways. People often think “The job makes me uphappy, the money problems make me unhappy, the partner makes me unhappy” and so on…

However, in reality it is our perception of these events that cause us to be unhappy, rather than the events themselves. By choosing to alter your perceptions, you not only find liberation in the face of adversity, but you find a path to creating new and more pleasant realities.

We go back to meditation because it is a powerful way of controlling your thoughts and opens up the window to create your desires future. If you can’t find time to meditate right now, at the very least take opportunities where possible to focus on feelings of happiness. Travelling to work is a perfect time to engage in positive thinking. Wearing dark sunglasses on a train enables you to close your eyes in a crowded environment without any embarrassment.

During these times of meditation think about how you can start to create the positive energy in you that you want to project externally. You don’t need to worry about the outcome. If the laws of quantum physics are correct – like energy attracts. So your greatest job in life is to ensure your mindset and emotional state match the same mindset you believe you will have only once you receive your desired outcome. Feeling before seeing!! TRUST is the key ingredient.

It’s a shift in your way of thinking, but it’s so worthwhile to really begin to enjoy each day in your life journey.

It you want to change your life today visit Happy Life at: finding-inner-voicehttp://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

1 year ago · · 26 comments

How To Improve Your Self Esteem With a Simple Step

boost self confidenceIt is very interesting to note the impact that an alteration in your language can have on how you feel about yourself and on your life overall. Altering your internal language to say you want to improve your life rather than change your life is a very good example of this.

When you say you want to change your life, the underlying message (implication) is that overall your life is terrible and hence needs a complete change. However, this is not true. Every person can finds things in life to be happy about and proud of, such as:

– saving money for a holiday
– finishing a degree/course
– supporting a friend or loved one
– buying a home
– buying a car
– getting into shape
– creating close friendships
– helping a client at work
– delivering a speech
– taking a risk that paid off

… And so on…

The pursuit of goals and desires

Often you can find yourself unhappy with your current situation because your goals and desires are not manifesting quickly enough – or at all (eg wanting a career change, a partner, a baby, more money, close friends). This perceived failure can cause you to tell yourself regularly that your life is unsuccessful and therefore you ‘must’ find a way to change your life in order to find happiness. Believing this can leave you feeling overwhelmed and hopeless.

Telling yourself you must change also implies you can’t stand things the way they are now, yet you are already ‘standing’ things right now. It might not be pleasant but you are stronger than you most likely give yourself credit.

Changing your language

If you alter your language simply by saying ‘i want to improve my life’, the implication will be that there are many things to be happy about right now, but you want more (eg you already have some great friends, you have money to survive, you have a loving partner.. And so on).

This new way of speaking serves to empower you and motivate you to achieve your desires. In other words, you start to believe you can and will enhance your life and that your life to-date is pretty good, despite not yet achieving your current desires.

You have a right to want more. In fact, the pursuit of desires is what makes life so exciting. See your goals as a way of enhancing your life and be appreciative and mindful of what you achieved so far.

To find more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: http://www.helpformums.com/home/how-to-build-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-online-course/

2 years ago · · 0 comments

Why It’s So Important to Increase Self-Esteem

self confidence at workThe underlying cause of a lot of unhappiness is low self-esteem (a lack of confidence in your own worth or abilities). Self-esteem is the product of your life history, genes and circumstance. Low self-esteem is usually coupled with insecurity and self-doubt. These negative aspects of the ‘self’ have a nasty habit of causing self sabotage and reducing confidence.

It’s heartbreaking to witness how low self-esteem debilitates ones life through fear and doubt. The cruelest part of low self-esteem is that no matter how strong your belief is about how much you believe you deserve something, low self-esteem will find a way to ruin any chances of success unless you manage or heal it.

Let’s look at the example in relationships. It’s a strong desire for most people to attract and maintain a loving, supportive and fun intimate partner. When the relationship is yet to manifest, the desire intensifies until the universe nicely conspires to place you at the right place at the right time to form this potential partnership. If your self-esteem is moderate to high you will be yourself, show your best qualities and allow the relationship to grow organically. However, if your self-esteem is low you will panic at the slightest perception your potential partner has lost interest, behave in ways inconsistent with your true values and sacrifice much more of yourself than is appropriate in order to sustain a relationship that deep down you don’t believe you truly deserve.

Read the Full article here to learn Why It’s So Important to Increase Self-Esteem

2 years ago · · 0 comments

To Boost Your Self esteem – Don’t seek change in others

how to build optimismIf you are searching to improve your self esteem, you must first make changes internally.

Do you ever think if only circumstances, events or people would change, life will be better? What’s intersting about this misconception is that the way the universe works, you attract into your life experiences that match your internal moods. Psychologically you can interpret this as your life reflecting back at you your perceptions and beliefs.

It seems logical to think if only the horrible boss, friend, family member, partner or acquaintance would change your life would be easier and happier. Yet even when you free yourself from these people without addressing internal beliefs and values, there will be someone just as horrible waiting for you around the corner to make life feel just as miserable. In reality there are plenty of similar thinking people in this world to attract and you will continue to attract them unless you are clear about your boundaries. This is a core aspect of improving self esteem – accepting that you cannot change others. First you must change your thinking and feeling and then your circumstances will change.

The real issue to address is ‘what are you thinking and feeling on a regular basis that is attracting such people into your life and what are you saying (verbally and non-verbally) is ok through your actions? When you don’t stand up for yourself and allow others to treat you with little respect, you demonstrate that you accept such treatment.

When others hurt you, you must look internally and ask yourself what am I missing here? Have I allowed this behaviour to go unaddressed in the past? Have I addressed the issue and been Ignored? Have I excused the behaviour? Is this behaviour the result of me being too passive to say what I would really desire?

Liking yourself is crucial to how to build self esteem

In order to truly be happy you must be happy with who you are. By increasing your own self belief and sticking to your values and beliefs, others around you will quickly learn the ways they should treat you. By working on increasing your inner strength and internal personal power, you can stand strong in the face of negative experiences and walk away feeling healthy and happy.

You have to be your own first priority – never forget that. Care for others, but never at the expense of your personal values and beliefs. Be strong and live happier and healthier.

To learn how to build confidence and gain self esteem visit Happy Life at: https://www.helpformums.com