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    erasing the past

    How to Build Self Confidence and Improve Self Esteem Online Course – Week 6: Erasing the Negative Past

    Well done on completing Week 5 of the program

    Week 5 was all about learning to challenge and finally reduce the impact of your negative and unhelpful thinking.

    Along with negative thinking, you are likely to live by unhelpful rules that hold you back and result in tremendous guilt when you break them.

    We all have rules that we live by. They develop as we progress through life and can be positive/helpful (e.g. I must always brush my teeth before going to bed) or negative/unhelpful (e.g. I must always please other people).  Unhelpful rules are unrealistic, unreasonable, excessive, rigid, and unadaptable (for example, I must never make a mistake). They are very difficult to live up to and often result in guilt and resentment. If you are able to stick to, and carry out the rules you live by then it’s most likely that you’ll feel okay about yourself. However, should you break one of your rules (e.g. doing something for yourself instead of for someone else), you are likely to feel really bad about yourself, ruin the experience and go overboard to try to make it up to the person.

    Did You Know?

    You can identify your unhelpful rules by asking yourself a couple of key questions

    Q. What do I expect of myself:

    • At work or school?
    • In social situations?
    • With friends?
    • In my various roles as parent/child/sibling/partner?
    • In terms of my health (e.g. physical activity/diet)?

     

    Q. Do any of these expectations appear to be unrealistic/over the top?

    Q. Would I expect others in my life to live by these standards?

    Q. How do I feel when someone tries to tell me what to do/how to behave?

    Q. In what types of situations (where and with whom) do I put myself down (e.g. you might have a tendency to put yourself down when you’re around other people who feel insecure about themselves)? AND How does it make me feel when I do this?

    Q. What aspects of myself do I criticise most?

    Q. What might happen if I relax my rules?

    “If you don’t run your own life, somebody else will”

    John Atkinson

    Why it’s important to have a high self-esteem

    When you have a high self-esteem you have the power to instil confidence in your children. This is a very powerful gift you can impart on their lives. By increasing their confidence you give them the best chance of being happy and successful in their own lives.

    Now Let’s Get Started on Week 6

    Erasing the Negative Past & Taking Positive Steps Forward – The Final Process

    Increase your self esteem at your own pace. Simply click on the links below to be taken to your corresponding sections of the self esteem boosting program week’s activities. Each activity is very easy to follow. The activities are designed to be interactive and fun, so living happy is never a chore or boring!

    You can return to the Self Esteem Course HOME PAGE at any time, by clicking on the button below.

    Watch-self-esteem-film

    Week 6 Video Tutorial

    podcast-self-esteem-link

    Podcast

    Audio Link – Using the Law of Attraction

    This week is all about attracting what you want in life. You have the power to live life to the fullest. It’s simply a matter of deciding what you want and telling yourself every single day that you deserve this person/place/item etc that you desire. Often we may say we want something but not truly believe we deserve it or that it’s possible for us. So it’s important to remind yourself that you not only want something, but that it comes frequently and easily for you.

    how to be more confident

    Practical Guide

    Exercise

    This exercise will assist you in understanding the effect that Guilt can have on your self-esteem.

    Click below for your Guilt and Self esteem Guide

    Guilt and Your Self Esteem

    Click below for your Steps for Sustaining Your Happiness

    How to reach your happy living goals

    Well done on completing the final week – Week 6 –  of the program

    Week 6 was all about moving forward by erasing the past and mapping out your goals for the future.

    Along with negative thinking, you are likely to live by unhelpful rules that hold you back and result in tremendous guilt when you break them.

    We all have rules that we live by. They develop as we progress through life and can be positive/helpful (e.g. I must always brush my teeth before going to bed) or negative/unhelpful (e.g. I must always please other people).  Unhelpful rules are unrealistic, unreasonable, excessive, rigid, and unadaptable (for example, I must never make a mistake). They are very difficult to live up to and often result in guilt and resentment. If you are able to stick to, and carry out the rules you live by then it’s most likely that you’ll feel okay about yourself. However, should you break one of your rules (e.g. doing something for yourself instead of for someone else), you are likely to feel really bad about yourself, ruin the experience and go overboard to try to make it up to the person.

    Did You Know?

    In order to sustain your commitment to living a happy life you need to work out exactly how you personally are motivated.

    What motivates you:

    • Social factors (e.g. what other people think)
    • Internal factors (e.g. to feel happy, healthy, energetic)
    • Achievement (e.g. performing well, receiving external rewards or praise)
    • Fairness/comfort (e.g. feeling secure)

    Then use this type of motivation when you have a bad day. For instance, if you are motivated by what other people think, remind yourself of how happy the important people are in your life are when they see you happy.

    “First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, “I believe,” three times”

    Norman Vincent Peale

     

    Why it’s important to have a high self-esteem

    Having a high self-esteem increases your overall level of happiness and optimism. When asked in survey research what your ultimate goal in life is, most people say they want to be happy. Living in happiness is our right as human beings. Yes, we are going to experience setbacks, disappointments and loss throughout life, but the strength we show by overcoming these is what shapes us as strong and successful human beings. Don’t begrudge negative experiences, they’re in your life to teach you something and it’s crucial that you learn from them, otherwise you’ll keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

    Your Bonus

    In order to fully free yourself from the past, you must:

    A) Accept that your past does not determine your future (you have the power to choose how you live your life regardless of what has happened to you in the past)

    B) Increase your gratitude for the present in order to shift your focus away from any negative past events and on to positive life experiences

    C) Forgive past wrongs (yours and others) in order to wipe the slate clean and move on

    So let’s delve into these 3 concepts further

    A) Your past does not determine your future

    Psychology tells us that an event is just an event. The impact this event has on your life is determined by your perception and interpretation of this event. Nicholas James Vujicic is a perfect example of this. He is a Serbian-Australian Christian evangelist and motivational speaker who was born with tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of arms and legs. Instead of allowing his physical challenges to prevent his from living a happy and fulfilling life, he motivates and inspires people all around the world to believe in  themselves and never let anything hold them back from achieving their dreams.

    B) Being grateful

    When you are grateful, your mind shifts away from the negative aspects of your life and on to the positive. Here are a great exercise you can do to shift your mindset into the grateful zone and begin to ignore and forget about any painful past events that may be holding you back.

    Step 1: Write a letter of gratitude to someone you care about

    Step 2: Set aside 5 minutes each night for 2 weeks to write 5 things you were grateful and thankful for over the past 24 hours

    Step 3: Take this quick quiz on the first night (before you start) and then again on the last night (at the end of the 2 weeks) and compare your results

    The Quiz – Satisfaction With Life Scale

    Below are 5 statements that you may agree or disagree with. Using the 1-7 scale below, indicate how much you agree with each statement.

    1-7 scale

    7 = Strongly Agree
    6 = Agree
    5 = Slightly Agree
    4 = Neither Agree or Disagree
    3 = Slightly Disagree
    2 = Disagree
    1 = Strongly Disagree

    Questions

    a) In most ways my life is close to my ideal

    b) The conditions of my life are excellent

    c) I am completely satisfied with my life

    d) So far, I have gotten the important things I want in life

    e) If I could live my life over, I would change nothing

    Tally Up Your Scores

    If you scored:

    30-35: You are extremely satisfied, much above average
    25-29: You are very satisfied, above average
    20-24: You are somewhat satisfied, average
    15-19: Your are slightly dissatisfied, a bit below average
    10-14: You are dissatisfied, clearly below average
    5-9: You are very dissatisfied, much below average

    Source: Seligman, M. (2011). Authentic Happiness. Random House, North Sydney

     

    C) Forgiving to move forward

    It can be difficult to let go of past pain when you are still angry, predominantly because you may think forgiving means letting the other person get away with the pain he/she has caused you. However, what we are never really taught about resentment and anger, is that we are the ones who suffer the most from these negative emotions. Holding on to anger and resentment can be toxic for you and it holds you back from living a fulfilling and happy life.

    Forgiving does not mean you condone the behaviour someone has done. It means you choose to let it go. It’s about making a conscious decision not to allow someone else’s behaviour to impact you any more than it already has.

    For example, let’s say a previous partner really hurt you, perhaps by leaving you ir cheating on you. Up until now, the pain of this experience has stayed with you and you have allowed it to impact your self esteem and self worth. However, today you make a decision to forgive. You think about what happened and you realise that your ex-partner’s decisions at the time are not a reflection of you. You cannot control the actions of another person. For whatever reason, your ex decided to act in a particular way. You realise this has nothing to do with you now. You say out loud “I forgive you. Perhaps you did not think through the pain you were going to cause me. Perhaps you were going through your own emotional turmoil, or perhaps you were in a particular situation that I couldn’t understand. In any case, I choose to forgive you and move on”.

    From this day forth, every time a memory of the past painful event comes to your mind, remind yourself that you have chosen to forgive. Take a deep breath, smile and keep moving forward.

    Your Extra Bonus – Quick Meditation

    Body Relaxation Meditation

     

     

     


    Congratulations…

    You’ve successfully completed the course. We’d love to hear what you thought of the program. Send us a quick note to: info@happylife.net.au to receive a free copy of the Refresh Your Life Relaxation and Meditation CD